How can I join this “crazy” vision? Your latest sermon, “The Bible’s Most Intimidating Verse”, spoke to my SOUL. I’ve LITERALLY dropped everything for God bc I KNOW He has plans to use me and my testimony to bring people into His loving embrace and I need to stop hiding and link arms with the others. Here’s a quick blip of my story Grew up in the Mormon church (where dad is currently a bishop). Married to an atheist (and have a son with) for 10 years. It was a mentally, emotionally, spiritually and financially abusive relationship…on top of his HIGHLY functioning alcoholism. On the outside, it looked like the perfect life. Picture perfect family. I was an award winning family photographer and shot for a very popular, local boutique. I was also a hairstylist for 15 years. I was REALLY good at making things appear shiny and bright (learned that from my mom). I had gained the world and quite literally lost my soul. I was SO perplexed and started seeking answers 5 years ago. Listened to a podcast called “Love Over Addiction” and immediately bought her course. Never even started the course bc I was too overwhelmed with trying to keep my kids safe and a roof over our heads, but the course gave me access to a FB group. Never even posted in this group, but those strangers on the internet quite literally saved my life. They were healed me and they showed me how to get to the other side of the mountain in a healthy way, anchored in LOVE. I knew when I got to that point in my journey, I HAD to help the next ones in line.
Officially moved out in May of 2021 when he lost his job due to the alcohol addiction. I knew I was missing SOMETHING and reached out to Christian friend from high school for hurch recommendations. He directed me to two local churches, Traders Point Christian Church and Connection Pointe. I went into church with the attitude of I’ve tried it my way and royally fucked it up, so what did I have to lose giving this Jesus dude a shot. I mean, I loved his message about love and he was a model citizen imo. My savior? That was TBD. I had A LOT of questions. Questions I’d been asking my dad since I was a teen. Questions that got put on a shelf because (from my point of view) they challenged him too much and how could I, a little GIRL, challenge him and his priesthood authority?!
It came to a head at dinner one night when I was around 15 and flipped the kitchen table over. They sent me to the psychologist, got me on meds, and l've been labeled the
"crazy" one ever since. My high school "sweethearts" favorite way to deflect from his own wrongdoings during arguments was to ask me if I'd taken my medicine that day.
The words spoken over me from my teen years to this day have consistently been:
You are LOVED, taken care of, and need to stop being so ungrateful.
Oh, and make sure you take your medicine because you know how you can get when you don't.
Fast forward to today and I realize that "crazy" was the Holy Spirit and I had EVERY right to be angry. What I didn't have were healthy tools to process and express the anger and it kept me in an endless loop of trouble and self-sabotage. January 2022 my friend bought me a Jesus Bible, told me to keep asking questions and encouraged me to not date for six months.
"Go to God. KNOW your worth", she said.
She poured into a part of me I didn't even know was thirsty and I haven't stopped asking questions since. I feel like a little kid on an adventure!