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I've been out here “on the water” for so long now, and I'm tired…exhausted actually. I know I'm right where the Lord wants me to be even though the world around me is literally falling apart. I have this peace, this joy, this confidence that I know can only come from Him.

I've been through enough trials with Him by my side now to know:

turn down the noise

go to my prayer closet

pray, run the situation through God's Word, and listen.

That's the hardest part…listening and being patient.

I’ve found that the best way for me to process is to grab a pen and paper and just start writing, asking myself and God questions, and just keep asking questions until I've unraveled it. So tonight, instead of going into straight panic mode, I told Satan and his minions to get out because they're up to no good.

It's all lies.

I am not alone.

God hasn't abandoned me.

I am not a fraud.

GOD didn't create us to do this alone.

SATAN wants us to hide, to isolate.

Not today, Satan! You've stolen enough of my time with my Father. I will lose every single earthly thing I have before I lose His presence ever again. There is NOTHING that compares to His love. And Satan, you've already been defeated. Sit down, you big bully.

Now, to ask myself the questions.

Everything with Untamed Soul Collective is locked and loaded, set up to help others, set up to make money. I've been hopefully patient and waited on God to give me the go-ahead. After Ron's recent sermon about spiritual conversations, I knew without a shadow of a doubt, God's hand is on this.

Why, then, do I freeze?

Why do I isolate?

Quite literally, I feel paralyzed.

Am I afraid of failure? No, that's not it.

Am I afraid of success? Kind of. I'm afraid that I don't have the support it’s gonna take take to carry this and that it'll be easier for me to fumble so to speak. Which is why I texted Kaitlyn out of nowhere last night, inviting myself over, because I know Satan wants me alone.

Okay, it's not fear of failure, fear of success. What is it?

I get really still. I invite the Holy Spirit to show me where I'm feeling the resistance. I notice my posture and feel the pit in my stomach.

Oh, I know what that means. Guilt and shame. Guilt and shame about the finances? No, this is deeper than that.

Relax, Liz, breathe.

Oh my gosh, I found it!

I feel guilt and shame because I “shouldn't” be making money off of my God-given talents, according to my dad (a Mormon bishop). It was a year ago when I told my parents about my plans for US Collective. I thought I had FINALLY done something that would make my parents proud of me in the spiritual realm. Instead, the opposite happened and the wind was completely taken out of my sails and I've been trying to find the courage and boldness to ask for and receive support ever since. The people I thought were in my corner see me as the enemy of their religion, the LDS church. My “evil spirit”is something they cannot support. They're not going to totally cast me out, because that would make them look like bad people. Gotta keep the facade up, per usual.

And I, the empathetic one, try to give them the benefit of the doubt, love them, and love them like I think Jesus would. In return, I’m the one suffering financially, mentally, emotionally, because I've been shamed into submission… just like I was when I stayed silent and suffered for so long about my ex’s alcohol addiction.

I KNOW this call He has on my life is bigger than I can wrap my head around. I know He's asking me to stand in the gap, so to speak, for those silenced by religious, emotional, spiritual, psychological abuse. I have SO much to say. I've experienced too much harm in the name of "God" during my lifetime to keep it quiet any longer.

But I don't feel worthy enough to even ask for help. When I actually do muster up enough courage to speak, it always comes out anxious and unclear, because I immediately start to doubt myself. So then I retreat, feeling ashamed for asking for financial help, because I clearly have photography and hair I could be making money off of.

Who do I think I am?

I'm so lazy and selfish and ungrateful. (Or I'm working 40+ hours a week for no pay FOR GOD)

Why am I doing this?! Because God asked me to. He’s the ONLY way I’ve found true peace and joy and love.

MY PLAN was to switch up my photography business model to one my friend recently did that tripled her income.

MY PLAN was to be in Fort Lauderdale and Boca every other weekend during the winter for photo shoots.

MY PLAN was perfect for me.

BUT GOD. That’s not what He's asked me to do and I can't and won't turn my back on Him ever again. He reassures me over and over that I'm going to look crazy to others, but stay the course. He's got me. The ones calling me crazy are the ones who have always shamed me into submission and kept me quiet to cover up their toxic ways.

While unraveling all of this, I discovered a talk by Boyd K. Packer, a Mormon leader, from back in 1993. I would have heard this talk at General Conference when I was about nine years old. He said that the top three threats of the Mormon church, they said, were feminists, homosexuals, and so-called intellectuals and scholars. Well, I'm a “feminist” and so-called intellectual, so two out of wonder the enemy is attacking me so hard.

The Mormon church has been called Satan's masterpiece, and I couldn't agree more. I'm not angry at any single human being. Most Mormons I know are WONDERFUL people. It’s Satan and his lies I’m angry about. I thought I could and should do this on my own because I’ve never had anyone in my corner when it came to my spirituality. I've always been the “crazy” one, filled with an “evil” spirit. I'm not trying to use anyone for money, I’m just trying to be obedient to what He’s called me to do. I would be so happy if someone could just manage all of my money for me until it gets straightened out…or forever, really. Lol If the Lord's will is for me to remarry, I know my husband will be in charge of financials.

Now that I know how His Kingdom works and how God designed us to use his money, I want to be a good steward of it and pay off my debts. I want to honor Him with it and bless others. I need support so I can give all of my energy to promoting Untamed Soul Collective. It's right there, our overhead is a website and a few subscriptions, and the digital products are literally limitless. At the moment, we have around 50 eworkbooks on deck that we can sell as well as create online courses for each one of those. I KNOW He’s asked me to convert these same resources to be Christian -based as well and that would double the resources. Add in one-on-one mentoring, and it's profitable in a month or two. We need financial support and business marketing advice, and enough money to hire an assistant, hopefully Courtney.

I can create the graphics and talk, connect with people.

Kelly can keep writing workbooks and courses.

Courtney can do all of the marketing and social media and back end administrative stuff.

He can multiply our five and two to do so much more than we can ask or imagine. I know that you will Lord, and I pray you will help me turn down the noise keep my eyes on you. Lord, this is all for you and your glory. Satan's stolen enough of our time together, and I will lose every single last physical thing in this world if that’s the only way I can remain in your presence because there is nothing worth more valuable to me than this love of ours.

I'm sorry I’ve been stubborn.

I'm sorry my allegiance has been to my parents.

All of my love and allegiance is to you now. I love my parents, but I love you more.

So Lord, take it all..have your way with it. Your will, not mine. I will follow you anywhere, Lord.

I know that US Collective is going to help SO many people. I pray that my mind stays strong, my eyes focused on you. You’re the ONLY way to true peace and joy and love. The only way and I know that now, and I can't unsee it. I can't unfeel it. And I'm NEVER going back. I love you.

In Jesus’ name. Amen. 💜

Learn more about Untamed Soul Collective here:

If youfeel led to support our mission financially click here:

Thank you and God bless!

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