My Why
I spent the first 18 years of my life in the Mormon church, where my dad is currently serving as a bishop. The following 15 years were spent as far away from God and church as possible. (I even married an atheist!) In 2017, while building our dream home, I came face to face with an evil I'd never seen...alcohol addiction. I started searching for any way to fix this and keep our family together. Individual therapy, couples therapy, podcasts, books, sage, crystals. You name it, I tried it. During an intervention, I voiced that I knew there was SOMETHING spiritual and supernatural to this life here on earth. I knew because I'd personally experienced it, I'd FELT it multiple times throughout my life. My ex had never had any kind of spiritual encounter, so I thought that if I could just get him to feel something supernatural ONE time he'd be able to come out of this nose-dive.
During this time, two podcasts in particular changed the trajectory of my future.The first, "Love Over Addiction", taught me how to FIRST love and care for myself, THEN love the addict, (whether I chose to stay or leave my addict). It wasn't the PERSON I was fighting, it was the addiction.
The second, "Saving You is Killing Me" (which could LITERALLY have been the title of my life back then) brought me face to face with my own addiction...codepency aka "relationship addiction. (More on this later.) She had an online course that I bought without hesitation, but never had the energy to actually start. The online course granted me access to their Facebook Group... that I never actually posted in, but referenced often.
These strangers on the internet quite literally SAVED MY LIFE. They WERE me. They were experiencing the exact same things I was and were vulnerable + brave enough to talk about it. Other members, who had gone through similar journeys and ended up on the other side of healing, offered HEALTHY, compassionate advice and support that I had never heard from anyone. They gave us the cheat codes of lessons they'd learned the hard way. Their LOVE gave my soul HOPE that there was light at the end of this tunnel...and I couldn't even tell you their names.
THIS is why I'm so passionate about sharing my addiction/divorce/healing/journey to Jesus. I promised myself when I got to a healthy place to talk about it (from a scar and not a gushing wound), I would be vulnerable + brave, talking about things my shame would rather keep hidden away forever. I have to speak up and. FIGHT WITH LOVE for the me's who are at the end of their rope and need a glimmer of HOPE at this very moment.
THIS is why I halted the story-telling here on my blog and behind the chair at the salon and dove headfirst into collaborating and creating Untamed Soul Collective with a friend from high school who has two Masters degrees in counseling.
Now, more than ever, people need to know they're not alone. They need our stories, our vulnerability. This is NOT comfortable in the slightest. If by sharing my story, just one person walks away feeling seen, understood and encouraged to keep fighting with LOVE, this temporary discomfort was more than worth it.
Hear me when I say this: You are NOT WEAK. You are WEARY.
Read that again and again, until you believe it. Stick it on your mirror, your dashboard, make it your lock screen. It's one of my favorites I use to encourage myself and others.
My sincere HOPE in all of this is to fight the enemy of ALL of our souls together with LOVE, in HARMONY with each other. I promise to always try my best to reflect the innocent, child-like, inclusive, "reckless" love Jesus showed to others. He also modeled RIGHTEOUS anger for us when His Father was misrepresented by, more often than not, religious leaders. I'm angry at SATAN for misrepresenting Jesus to me and all of the members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
“Look, I am sending you out as sheep among wolves. So be as shrewd as snakes and harmless as doves" Matthew 10:16 NLT
In June 2021, after leaving my now ex-husband, I started attending Connection Pointe Christian Church as well as Traders Point Christian Church to give"that Jesus dude" another shot. In January 2022, my friend, Brittany Kime, bought me this "Jesus Bible", encouraged me to take a 6 month break from dating and exclusively "date" Jesus. Almost 2 years later, and he's still my main man... and ALWAYS will be.
You can read more about my testimony here.
